As is shown in the picture the humans divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly mean to contact out.In addition,there are spider net between everyone,which lead the people alone.The picture revealed a current social phenomenon that people dependent extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall,which alienateus,meanwhile,it is a net relate us. Whats more worrisome is that they not only contact with strangers with the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction.In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism,people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　本篇文章存在一些簡單的語法錯(cuò)誤，且說服力不夠強(qiáng)。作者在寫作完之后若可以花費(fèi)幾分鐘時(shí)間來回讀文章，并自學(xué)庫或語法書，把自己不確定的都弄清楚，那么便會(huì)減少不必要的失分。不管什么問題，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的寫作中能夠多注重基礎(chǔ)知識(shí)，比如句子的構(gòu)成。然后可以積累一些好的詞句，并將其運(yùn)用到自己的練習(xí)之中，為自己的文章增彩。

　　As is shown in the picture the humans divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly mean to contact out.In addition,there are spider net between everyone,which lead the people alone.The picture revealed a current social phenomenon that people dependent extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall,which alienateus,meanwhile,it is a net relate us. Whats more worrisome is that they not only contact with strangers with the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction.In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism,people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)

　　本篇文章存在一些簡單的語法錯(cuò)誤，且說服力不夠強(qiáng)。作者在寫作完之后若可以花費(fèi)幾分鐘時(shí)間來回讀文章，并自學(xué)庫或語法書，把自己不確定的都弄清楚，那么便會(huì)減少不必要的失分。不管什么問題，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的寫作中能夠多注重基礎(chǔ)知識(shí)，比如句子的構(gòu)成。然后可以積累一些好的詞句，并將其運(yùn)用到自己的練習(xí)之中，為自己的文章增彩。