Two months ago a new client entered my office for her first coaching session. All I want is to feel happy, she said. m miserable and I focus on that misery all day long.

兩個月前，一個新客戶來到我的辦公室參加她的第一次輔導課。我要的是感到高興，她說，我很痛苦，而且我整天專注于怎樣把自己從痛苦中解救出來。

It seemed like a fairly simple request, so we went to work.

這似乎是一個非常簡單的要求，所以我們就開始了。

Week after week I witnessed the smile on my clients face becoming more consistent, more authentic. Soon she began talking about the laughter and pleasant activities that now fill her days. So I asked whether she thought that we had achieved her happiness goal. I was surprised when she said no.

幾周過后，我親眼目睹了我的客戶臉上露出堅定真誠的笑容。因此她開始談論每天充斥在身邊的笑料和愉快的活動。因此我問她是否認為我們已經達到了她的幸福目標，但我很驚訝的是她說沒有。

What I learned is that this vibrant woman believed that in order to characterize herself as happy she could never feel sad. To her, sadness and other unpleasant feelings are not allowed in the life of someone who defines themselves as a happy person. But that is not what the human experience is actually about.

我了解到的是，這個充滿活力的女人認為，為了讓她看起來很幸福，她不能覺得悲傷。對她來說，悲傷等不愉快的情緒在生活中是不允許出現在一個幸福的人身上的。但是這不是真正的人生體驗。

If we dont allow a natural progression of the resulting unpleasant feelings we will never fully experience and embrace the joy in life. Thats right; where there is black, there is white, its just how nature works. There are two complementary forces that make up all aspects of life and we must allow and accept their balance.

如果我們不允許一個不愉快情緒的自然的產生，我們就無法體驗和擁抱生活的樂趣。正是這樣;當有黑暗的地方就有光明，這才是自然的。生活的各個方面都有兩個互補的力量，我們必須允許和接受它們的平衡。

This is the understanding that my client was missing.

這是我的顧客對生活漏掉的領悟。

And it begs the question: Happiness what is it, really?

它引出了一個問題：幸福到底是什么?

In simplest form, happiness is a state of being. Sure, our circumstances influence the level of happiness we can access, but happiness is within us, not around us. We all have it, but we each define it differently and have varying expectations of ourselves and our own abilities to be happy. And that is what causes the confusion.

在最簡單的情況下，幸福是一種狀態。當然，我們能接觸到的環境會影響幸福的水平，但是幸福在我們心里，而不是在我們周圍。我們都擁有它，但是我們每個人的定義不同，我們有不同的期望，我們想要幸福。這就是造成混亂的原因。

Its perfectly OK to have moments or days of feeling bad, rather than good. When we resist the feelings that we categorize as unpleasant, it simply causes more resistance, leading to greater unhappiness. Lets debunk the happiness myth. These steps might just help you develop a healthy and, dare I say, happy life balance.

因此完全可以有不開心的時間。如果我們抵觸那些被列為不開心的事情，這會導致更多的阻力，也就會導致更多的不開心。讓我們來揭穿幸福的秘密。這些步驟可以幫你養成一個健康而且幸福的生活平衡。

1. Build a solid foundation.

打好基礎。

Martin Seligman is one of the leading researchers in positive psychology and author of Authentic Happiness. Seligman describes happiness as having three parts: pleasure, engagement, and meaning. Pleasure is the feel good part of happiness. Engagement refers to living a good life of work, family, friends, and hobbies. Meaning refers to using our strengths to contribute to a larger purpose. Seligman says that all three are important, but that of the three, engagement and meaning make the most difference to living a happy life.

馬丁塞利格曼是積極心理學主要研究者和《真正的幸福》的作者。塞利格曼把幸福定義為三個方面：快樂，參與和意義。快樂是幸福感覺不錯的部分。參與表示 美好生活的工作、家庭、朋友和愛好等方面。意義指的是利用我們的優勢來促進更大的目標完成。塞利格曼說，這三點很重要，但是參與和意義對幸福生活影響最大。

Revisit your relationships. Are they satisfactory? Do you have a good support network in place? If not, work on building it up. When you hit a bump in the road having supportive people around you will make a world of difference.

重溫你的關系網，這些關系是否令人滿意呢?你有一個很好地支持你的交際網嗎?如果沒有，建設起來。當你遇到顛簸的道路，支持你的人可以幫你創造出不同的世界。

Also, review how you contribute to a larger purpose. Focusing on something bigger than you are helps to keep things in perspective.

此外，知道如何做有助于實現更大的目標。看的更廣闊的可以讓你看事情更正確。

2. Set realistic expectations.

設定切合自我實際的目標。

You are human. Forcing or faking happiness leads to misery and conflict. Even if you create your happiness foundation and achieve a state of general well-being, you will have your ups and downs. Its how you deal with those fluctuations that matters. Condemnation and negativity will jeopardize your state of balance. Get real. Eliminate the pressure and you will bounce back more quickly.

你是個普通人。強迫或者偽造幸福會導致痛苦和沖突。即使你創造了你的幸福基礎，實現了總體幸福感的狀態，你也將有你的跌宕起伏。因此，你如何處理那些生活中的波動至關重要。譴責和否認定將危及你的平衡狀態，面對現實吧!消除壓力，你會更迅速的恢復活力。

3. Allow your feelings, rather than resisting them.

遵從真實感受，而不是抵制它們。

There are days when you will wake up feeling unhappy. Whether you fully understand it or not, its important to accept that this happens. Be patient with yourself. Dont complain, but do indulge in a little time to examine your feelings without criticism. Rather than, I hate when I feel like this, try Its interesting that I have these feelings. Be OK with it and examine the feelings for a little while if they merit your attention. If not, simply turn your focus to your larger purpose to prevent yourself from dwelling on something that isnt dwell-worthy.

總有當你醒來感覺不快的幾天。無論你是否完全理解，重要的是要接受這種情況的發生。對自己有耐心。不要抱怨，而是要不帶批判性的檢查自己的情緒。不是我討厭當我有這種感覺的時候，而是試著想想有這種感覺很奇妙。 對這些情緒保持淡定，如果這種情緒值得關注，檢查它;如果沒有，把你的關注點放在更大的目標上，來防止你關注不必要的東西。

4. Be ready for change.

為改變做好準備。

Ups and downs are normal, but if you find yourself in what feels like a constant state of unhappiness its important to listen to what your body and mind are telling you. Life has a funny way of tapping us on the shoulder when we need to create change. If you dont pay attention to the gentle tapping, you may be surprised by a less gentle reminder or series of them.

跌宕起伏是正常的，但是如果你處于一個一直不開心的狀態，有必要聽從你身體和情感的意愿。生活以一種有趣的方式，在我們需要改變時輕拍我們的肩膀。如果你沒有注意到這種輕拍，你可能會對不太溫和的提醒感到驚訝(這樣的提醒可能會有一大串)。

Either way, your subconscious mind will get your attention to suggest, or force, change. So make it easy on yourself and pay attention to the gentle tap. What is the cause of your unhappiness? Find someone who can help you sort through it, and embrace the change that lies ahead. You are on your way.

無論怎樣，你會關注你的潛意識，或者強迫自己去改變。因此，放輕松，注意到生活的輕拍。你的不快樂源于什么?找一個人幫助你理清思路，擁抱你未來的改變，你正在路上。

Two months ago a new client entered my office for her first coaching session. All I want is to feel happy, she said. m miserable and I focus on that misery all day long.

兩個月前，一個新客戶來到我的辦公室參加她的第一次輔導課。我要的是感到高興，她說，我很痛苦，而且我整天專注于怎樣把自己從痛苦中解救出來。

It seemed like a fairly simple request, so we went to work.

這似乎是一個非常簡單的要求，所以我們就開始了。

Week after week I witnessed the smile on my clients face becoming more consistent, more authentic. Soon she began talking about the laughter and pleasant activities that now fill her days. So I asked whether she thought that we had achieved her happiness goal. I was surprised when she said no.

幾周過后，我親眼目睹了我的客戶臉上露出堅定真誠的笑容。因此她開始談論每天充斥在身邊的笑料和愉快的活動。因此我問她是否認為我們已經達到了她的幸福目標，但我很驚訝的是她說沒有。

What I learned is that this vibrant woman believed that in order to characterize herself as happy she could never feel sad. To her, sadness and other unpleasant feelings are not allowed in the life of someone who defines themselves as a happy person. But that is not what the human experience is actually about.

我了解到的是，這個充滿活力的女人認為，為了讓她看起來很幸福，她不能覺得悲傷。對她來說，悲傷等不愉快的情緒在生活中是不允許出現在一個幸福的人身上的。但是這不是真正的人生體驗。

If we dont allow a natural progression of the resulting unpleasant feelings we will never fully experience and embrace the joy in life. Thats right; where there is black, there is white, its just how nature works. There are two complementary forces that make up all aspects of life and we must allow and accept their balance.

如果我們不允許一個不愉快情緒的自然的產生，我們就無法體驗和擁抱生活的樂趣。正是這樣;當有黑暗的地方就有光明，這才是自然的。生活的各個方面都有兩個互補的力量，我們必須允許和接受它們的平衡。

This is the understanding that my client was missing.

這是我的顧客對生活漏掉的領悟。

And it begs the question: Happiness what is it, really?

它引出了一個問題：幸福到底是什么?

In simplest form, happiness is a state of being. Sure, our circumstances influence the level of happiness we can access, but happiness is within us, not around us. We all have it, but we each define it differently and have varying expectations of ourselves and our own abilities to be happy. And that is what causes the confusion.

在最簡單的情況下，幸福是一種狀態。當然，我們能接觸到的環境會影響幸福的水平，但是幸福在我們心里，而不是在我們周圍。我們都擁有它，但是我們每個人的定義不同，我們有不同的期望，我們想要幸福。這就是造成混亂的原因。

Its perfectly OK to have moments or days of feeling bad, rather than good. When we resist the feelings that we categorize as unpleasant, it simply causes more resistance, leading to greater unhappiness. Lets debunk the happiness myth. These steps might just help you develop a healthy and, dare I say, happy life balance.

因此完全可以有不開心的時間。如果我們抵觸那些被列為不開心的事情，這會導致更多的阻力，也就會導致更多的不開心。讓我們來揭穿幸福的秘密。這些步驟可以幫你養成一個健康而且幸福的生活平衡。

1. Build a solid foundation.

打好基礎。

Martin Seligman is one of the leading researchers in positive psychology and author of Authentic Happiness. Seligman describes happiness as having three parts: pleasure, engagement, and meaning. Pleasure is the feel good part of happiness. Engagement refers to living a good life of work, family, friends, and hobbies. Meaning refers to using our strengths to contribute to a larger purpose. Seligman says that all three are important, but that of the three, engagement and meaning make the most difference to living a happy life.

馬丁塞利格曼是積極心理學主要研究者和《真正的幸福》的作者。塞利格曼把幸福定義為三個方面：快樂，參與和意義。快樂是幸福感覺不錯的部分。參與表示 美好生活的工作、家庭、朋友和愛好等方面。意義指的是利用我們的優勢來促進更大的目標完成。塞利格曼說，這三點很重要，但是參與和意義對幸福生活影響最大。

Revisit your relationships. Are they satisfactory? Do you have a good support network in place? If not, work on building it up. When you hit a bump in the road having supportive people around you will make a world of difference.

重溫你的關系網，這些關系是否令人滿意呢?你有一個很好地支持你的交際網嗎?如果沒有，建設起來。當你遇到顛簸的道路，支持你的人可以幫你創造出不同的世界。

Also, review how you contribute to a larger purpose. Focusing on something bigger than you are helps to keep things in perspective.

此外，知道如何做有助于實現更大的目標。看的更廣闊的可以讓你看事情更正確。

2. Set realistic expectations.

設定切合自我實際的目標。

You are human. Forcing or faking happiness leads to misery and conflict. Even if you create your happiness foundation and achieve a state of general well-being, you will have your ups and downs. Its how you deal with those fluctuations that matters. Condemnation and negativity will jeopardize your state of balance. Get real. Eliminate the pressure and you will bounce back more quickly.

你是個普通人。強迫或者偽造幸福會導致痛苦和沖突。即使你創造了你的幸福基礎，實現了總體幸福感的狀態，你也將有你的跌宕起伏。因此，你如何處理那些生活中的波動至關重要。譴責和否認定將危及你的平衡狀態，面對現實吧!消除壓力，你會更迅速的恢復活力。

3. Allow your feelings, rather than resisting them.

遵從真實感受，而不是抵制它們。

There are days when you will wake up feeling unhappy. Whether you fully understand it or not, its important to accept that this happens. Be patient with yourself. Dont complain, but do indulge in a little time to examine your feelings without criticism. Rather than, I hate when I feel like this, try Its interesting that I have these feelings. Be OK with it and examine the feelings for a little while if they merit your attention. If not, simply turn your focus to your larger purpose to prevent yourself from dwelling on something that isnt dwell-worthy.

總有當你醒來感覺不快的幾天。無論你是否完全理解，重要的是要接受這種情況的發生。對自己有耐心。不要抱怨，而是要不帶批判性的檢查自己的情緒。不是我討厭當我有這種感覺的時候，而是試著想想有這種感覺很奇妙。 對這些情緒保持淡定，如果這種情緒值得關注，檢查它;如果沒有，把你的關注點放在更大的目標上，來防止你關注不必要的東西。

4. Be ready for change.

為改變做好準備。

Ups and downs are normal, but if you find yourself in what feels like a constant state of unhappiness its important to listen to what your body and mind are telling you. Life has a funny way of tapping us on the shoulder when we need to create change. If you dont pay attention to the gentle tapping, you may be surprised by a less gentle reminder or series of them.

跌宕起伏是正常的，但是如果你處于一個一直不開心的狀態，有必要聽從你身體和情感的意愿。生活以一種有趣的方式，在我們需要改變時輕拍我們的肩膀。如果你沒有注意到這種輕拍，你可能會對不太溫和的提醒感到驚訝(這樣的提醒可能會有一大串)。

Either way, your subconscious mind will get your attention to suggest, or force, change. So make it easy on yourself and pay attention to the gentle tap. What is the cause of your unhappiness? Find someone who can help you sort through it, and embrace the change that lies ahead. You are on your way.

無論怎樣，你會關注你的潛意識，或者強迫自己去改變。因此，放輕松，注意到生活的輕拍。你的不快樂源于什么?找一個人幫助你理清思路，擁抱你未來的改變，你正在路上。